Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Where did my baby boy go?

My dear, sweet son is growing up so fast.

During all those years when I was waiting for God to bless me with a baby, I would spend hours daydreaming what it would be like to hold him, rock him, play with him.  I couldn’t wait.

When Micah finally arrived, I was ready to relish every second of his babyhood.  Not to say there weren’t moments when I found my very-grateful-to-have-this-baby self sitting on the nursery floor, crying from exhaustion, but for the most part, I sought to memorize every minute, to enjoy it all.  But here’s the thing – I really thought I’d have more baby time.  I blinked and he was toddler.  I looked away for a second and he was a pre-schooler.  Moments later, he was seven years old.  I know that I’ll get a little distracted, and he’ll be taller than I am.  Next thing you know, poof!  He’s graduating.

This breaks my heart.  I was trying to explain all of this to Jay today.  I was telling him how sad it makes me that Micah will only believe in Santa for another year or so, maybe not even that long (please just give me at least this one more Christmas!), how sad it makes me that he’s gotten so tall, how sad it makes me that he doesn’t want my help sounding out words anymore, and how very sad it makes me that he wants to be something scary for Halloween (that fact that I won't let him be some ghoul or psycho-killer from a movie he's not even old enough to watch yet makes me the meanest mom ever!).  Jay looked at me like I was nuts.

“It’s what happens. They grow up,” he said.

“Shut up.  Don’t give me your circle of life speech.”  Okay, I didn’t really say that.

I feel like time is slipping through my fingers.  If God would please hurry up and start working on Miracle Baby #2, my panic might subside a little, but as it stands, this is my one shot, and it’s all going by so fast.

I am really trying to treasure my time with my little boy while he is still a little boy.  I love when he sits up at the counter, eating a snack after school.  I love listening to him explain a picture he’s drawn.  One of my absolute favorite times of the day is our bedtime routine.  After Micah takes his shower, puts on his pajamas, and brushes his teeth, he, Jay and I all climb up into our big bed together and snuggle underneath our covers.  We have “whisper time” where we talk about our day, using our quietest voices.  Then either Jay or I will read Micah a story from his children’s Bible – right now the Israelites are wandering in the desert- and we will pray and cuddle a bit before Jay carries Micah off to bed.  Even all of this is limited though, isn’t it?  One day in the not-too-distant future, he won’t want to chat with me after school, his drawings will be self-explanatory, he’ll be too big to carry to bed. 

I’m urging myself, “Don’t blink! Don’t miss a thing!”  I want it all to last just a little bit longer.

(However, as much as I want to be present for every second of his life, I’m TOTALLY ditching that boy to go on a cruise with my first love in 8 short days!  By the time I get back, he'll probably have his driver's license!).


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