Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I Mustache You a Question!

I’m happy to report that Jay is feeling all better.  That, coupled with the fact that he was all-too-happy to share his horrible sickness with me has me raring to go for this next blog!

Wonderfully Weird Fact about Jay #8 – He is strangely obsessed with his facial hair.

I’m not quite sure when this started.  It couldn’t have been too early on in our relationship, because I distinctly remember, a few months into our marriage, that I took the initiative to pluck out Jay’s seven wiry chest hairs with a pair of tweezers.  Homeboy couldn’t grow a beard if his life depended on it (really, we were children).

Fast forward a few years, and I had a (very handsome) Sasquatch living in my house.  He is one hairy dude, and for some reason, my dear one associates this super ability to grow thick, lustrous hair on his face with his degree of manliness. I have often heard him say about other less manly men, “He can’t even grow a mustache,” and that appears to be some sort of dig at that man’s masculinity.

I have learned over the years, that the extent of macho-ness a man possesses has to do with the amount of hair that covers his chin, but also the speed in which he can grow said hair.  My superman can go from a clean shaven baby face to a burly mountain man in three day’s time.  That’s a real man… or so I’m told.

Macho Man in Training

This concept is so foreign to me.  I’ve never said, “That chick’s quite a lady!  She has to shave her legs every day!” or “Look at her thick eyebrows!  She’s a real woman!”

Don't we go to great lengths to make sure we DON'T look like this?

Apparently though, the less fair sex is united on this one universal truth: Beard = Man. 

Over the last decade or so, Jay has changed the style of his facial hair more often than I’ve changed my own hair style. Below is a highlight reel!
The In-Betweenie
The Full Beard

I call this the Brian Austin Green... and it's my FAVORITE

The creepy 70's 'stache
The Seneca Cane

The baby face

The soul patch

The Half Manchu

The Honest Abe

So, to all of the Tom Sellecks, Burt Reynolds, Sam Elliots, ZZ Tops, Rich Uncle Pennybags, and Jay Spaldings of the world, I salute you.  Congrats on your crumb catchers.  Way to be men!

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