Saturday, September 22, 2012

Jay's Guest Blog (and My Response!)

Below, you will find Jay’s guest blog (with my rebuttals in bold because I always get the last word!  If YOU want the last word, get your own blog!).  Enjoy!

My sweet, lovable wife has given me the privilege to share on her blog.  I want to share some of the quirky, interesting, weird things about her.

1) First, even though my wife is absolutely gorgeous, and I would never in a million years want to change anything about her, God was creative when He put her together.  I’ve said over the years that she was not put together with super glue, like a normal person, but maybe Bubble Yum.  Her jaw, wrists, shoulders, hips, nose, earlobes, pinky toe and eyelids can all pop out of socket.  Just ask her.  She’ll let you feel it any time.

Who are these “normal” people who are put together with super glue?   

Jay is right though.  My joints dislocate themselves on a pretty regular basis.  Many years ago when this still freaked me out, I would go to the emergency room.  After the third odd visit, they took Jay in a tiny room to question him! 

2) Next, Jamie loves me so much that she always wants me to share in every experience that she has.  Examples:

Jamie: “Hey Jay, this stinks.  You should smell it as well.” 

Jay: “Sweetheart, I believe you.  I don’t want to smell it.”

Jamie: “Please baby, if you love me, you’ll smell this.”

Jay: “Yes, sweetheart.  That does stink.  Thank you so much for allowing me to enjoy in this experience with you.”

If Jamie is hot, has a swollen something-or-other, or an upset belly, I must confirm the heat, touch the swollen masses, or listen to the churns of her queasy stomach.  She will come and find me to show me her “I’m gonna get sick bumps” – which are little white dots are the side of her tongue, like if you were to press your tongue too long against the sides of your teeth.  These act like a weather vane that tells the direction of the wind.  The more “sick bumps” she has, the sicker she will be. 

If Jamie’s extraordinarily odd sinuses are acting up, she will make me a part of it.  “Honey, why is my eyeball so squishy?  Feel it!”  or “Look, rice just came out of my nose!”

To be clear, the aforementioned stinky smells are NOT of my own making! 
Also, I’m clearly a medical marvel.  (And remember the one time rice came out of my squishy eye?  Yeah, I should probably make a doctor’s appointment). 

Oh, and sick bumps are totally a real thing.

3) I think my wife’s greatest kryptonite is the car.  Here are the reasons for that statement: from the time that me and Jamie… or Jamie and I… or us… however that works, from the time WE have been married, whenever Jamie gets into the passenger seat of the car, she seems to fall asleep fast.  Now, I’m not just talking about long car rides where she will take a nap here and there.  I’m talking about, like we could be six blocks from our local grocery store, and Jamie will fall asleep before we hit the first stop sign.  Now, on the long car rides, my wife has this beautiful dance that she does for the drivers that pass by.  I affectionately call it the open-mouth, jello-neck head bob.  Over the years, she has tried to improve this dance by laying back her seat a little, buying a fancy neck pillow, but my favorite of all, is when she holds onto my arm on the arm rest, leans her head on my shoulder, and her head will slowly roll all the way down to my wrist, and then she’ll wake up, laugh, say “I’m sorry,” and go right back to sleep.

The second reason why a car is her kryptonite is this -  My wife can tell you where anything in the house is.  She can tell me where anything is in her office, or my office, but when she gets in the car, she cannot find the McDonald’s that is two turns from our house.  It is sweet to see that, after living in Tulsa for over a year, she is starting to remove her post-it note directions from her dash board. 

The last reason is that after my wife comes out of a store, our car seems to become invisible to where she could walk right past it and not see it. 

Dude, I have to sleep when I can get it, and the car just happens to be one of my favorite places to catch a few zzz’s... well, when I can find it.  Hey, do you think if I could stay awake, I could learn my way around town?

4) In the previous blog, my wife had talked about the addiction that I have to shoes.  She shares this addiction with me.  The only difference is all of my shoes are the same size.  There have been many a shoe that I have loved, but if it is not available in a size 14, it’s not for me.  Jamie will wear shoes from a size 3 to an 11, depending on if the shoes look good, can match an outfit, or make her above 5’6 (which, by the way, requires 4 inch heels).

These accusations are wildly exaggerated.  I own shoes ranging from a 6 to an 8.  Okay, one pair of 5 ½ and one pair of 8 ½.  But really, if the shoes are cute enough, is a pinky toe that much of a sacrifice?

5) I’ll tell you just a bit about our morning routine.  When Jamie gets out of bed, I will usually lie there for another 15 minutes or so.  At this point, she has left the room to enter into what we know as the morning vortex.  I go and get Micah out of bed, get him dressed, fix his lunch, fix his hair, make him brush his teeth if I think about it, hopefully we find his glasses, get myself ready, make us both breakfast, and then we’re off to school (or the bus stop).  Sometimes during this routine, my chick-a-pea will pop her head out of the vortex and say a hello, remind me of something I have forgotten, and send us off with an “I love you,” before disappearing back into the unknown place.  Then I will head off to work.  Approximately 17 hours later, Jamie will finally arrive in her glorious, gorgeous, grandeur.  Where is she all that time?  What is she doing?  Are there cookies there?  How many licks does it take to the get to the center of tootsie pop?  The world may never know.

Some things will just always be a mystery.

All of these things and many more make up who my bride is.  Though some things might seem weird to others, they are all things that I love.  They make her special. They make her unique.  They make her my Jamie.

Uh… kisses or whatever.

Well done, my love.  But still, you are so much weirder than I am!


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