Monday, August 27, 2012

My Wonderfully Weird Husband (#10)

I love my husband.  He is handsome, and kind, and romantic.  He is a wonderful man.

But that’s not what this blog is about.

He is also a total weirdo.

I may not have realized the full extent of his oddness when I first married him.  I was but a child, after all, but over the years, I’ve come to see him for what he is.  A certified lunatic.  Albeit, a hot one.

I could go on for countless posts about the maniacal inner-workings of Jay’s twisted mind, but instead, I’m limiting myself to the top 10 weirdest things about Jay.  And to be fair, I’m allowing him a chance to offer a rebuttal as well as reveal any of my quirks (like I have any!) as a guest blogger next week. 

So here you go:

TOP 10 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT JAY - #10 à He has incredibly odd things in his pockets.

I told Jay many years ago that since I had such faith in him as a grown man, I would not be checking his pockets before I did the laundry.  I would, instead, assume that all clothing that found its way into the hamper, or lay dormant on the bedroom floor for more than 12 hours, would indeed be ready for the wash – pockets empty.  This bold statement has come back to bite me perhaps more than anything else I’ve ever said.  I have managed to ruin an entire load of laundry with an ink pen left in one of Jay’s pockets.  I’ve cost us a couple hundred dollars when I opened the dryer to find crumbled petty cash receipts.  I have also, on more than one occasion, washed Jay’s entire wallet.

So, I admit, that I have begun to, on occasion, give Jay’s pockets a quick feel before starting the laundry.  I have found some crazy things.

And usually, since my love-the-planet honey often wears his jeans and hoodies multiple times before washing, sometimes with several weeks or even months between wears, he usually can’t remember why his pockets are filled with nutty things – which really just makes it all funnier.

Here are a few things I’ve found recently:
A pair of red dice
A tiny blue string doll
A handful of sunflower seeds
A compass
Nail clippers
Small pieces of a shoelace
A red ribbon
20 safety pins

This weekend, Jay put on a jacket he hadn’t worn for sometime.  The following things were found in the pockets –

A sprite bottle cap
An ER visitor’s pass
4 TOMS stickers
A plastic fork
A dozen rubber surgical gloves

Any guesses what MacGyver was using all that for?

Oh – and just a helpful hint for the day –

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